Why Won't She Respect My Boundaries? High Conflict Ex Q&A

Boundaries with a high conflict ex are harder than anyone tells you. In this Q&A I'm answering real boundary questions from stepmums:

• She ignores every boundary we set. How do you actually get a high conflict ex to respect them?

• She keeps contacting me directly. Should I say something – or just block her?

• Every time I ignore her I feel so guilty, and then I give in. How do I stop?

• I resent my partner for not enforcing boundaries. Am I wasting my energy trying to help him?

• I set a boundary, she lost it, and I backed down. What do I do now?

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN

• A boundary isn't “you can’t show up at our house”, it's “if you show up at our house, we will call the police”. The consequence is yours to control, not hers to respect.

• Every time you give in when she escalates, you're teaching her that escalating works. Backing down doesn't end the conflict – it just keeps it going.

• If your partner won't enforce boundaries, consider whether your help is making it easier for him not to change. Sometimes stepping back is the only thing that works.

• Start with a small boundary you can actually hold. Build your confidence before taking on the bigger issues.

LINKS & RESOURCES

For help if your partner won't set boundaries:

→ Ep 8: When Your Partner Won’t Stand Up to His Ex & You’re Stuck in the Middle 

For help stepping back, see my 3-part podcast series:

→ Ep 45: When Stepping Back from the Drama Isn't Working (Part 1/3) 

If you’re avoiding boundaries because you’re scared of how she’ll react:

→ Ep 13: Setting Boundaries With the Ex When You're Terrified of What She’ll Do 

→ The Escalation-Proof Boundary Planner helps you set your first boundary and know exactly what to do when she pushes back.