Why Stepping Back from the Drama Isn't Working – How to Finally Disengage

You've tried stepping back. Maybe more than once. You told yourself you were going to stay out of it. Let him handle it. That you've had enough of dealing with the high conflict drama.

And for a little while, it almost worked.

But then he came home stressed after dealing with the ex. Or his phone went off her endless messages. And before you knew it, you were right back in the middle – managing, fixing, trying to hold it all together. Again.

So why does stepping back feel impossible?

It's not because you're not trying hard enough. It's because stepping back on its own isn't enough. You can change what you do a hundred times over – you can stop drafting his replies, stop dealing with the high conflict ex yourself, stop managing the kids. But if what's driving it hasn't shifted, you'll keep ending up back in the same place.

Today we're talking about the skill of disengaging. Not from your family, but from the outcome. And why it's the part that's been missing. 

This is the episode that takes you from "I've tried stepping back and it never works" to "I finally understand how to step back and stay there". Without the guilt or the resentment.

RESOURCES MENTIONED

• Why stepping back from high-conflict co-parenting never sticks – and what's actually missing

• The two situations most stepmums cycle between when dealing with a high-conflict ex – and the third one that changes everything

• What disengaging actually means – and why it's completely different to stepping back or checking out

• The two honest questions that will help you identify what's really driving your involvement – so you can finally start to change it