How to Stop Getting Pulled Back Into the High Conflict Drama (Part 2/3)
TAKING YOUR LIFE BACK
17 April 2026
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You told yourself you were done stepping in. So why do you keep ending up in the middle of the drama again?
Something is keeping you emotionally tethered to this – and once you understand what it is, what you're doing starts to make sense.
In this episode I'm going to show you exactly what's going on and give you something practical you can use today to start to change it.
This is Part 2 of my series (Part 1 here) on disengaging – not from your partner, or your family, but from needing something to go a certain way in order for you to feel okay about it.
And once you learn that skill, you'll be able to step back from the high conflict drama without the guilt or the resentment.
KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR STEPMUMS
Whatever you've been doing – stepping in, managing, fixing – there's a reason for it. You're emotionally engaged in the outcome.
The reason you have trouble stepping back is because nothing’s changed inside of you. You keep getting pulled back in because the thought and feeling driving your behaviour hasn't changed.
Trying to step back without addressing that is exhausting and unsustainable. The only way to make stepping back sustainable is to address the thought and feeling driving what you're doing in the first place. Then the action of stepping back is aligned with the way you feel, and it's not exhausting anymore.
The sequence running underneath everything is: circumstance → thought → feeling → action → result.
Understanding how your thoughts and feelings are driving your behaviour is the practical first step to changing it. Start by getting it down on paper. Write down the circumstance – just the facts of what happened. Write one thought you have about the circumstance. Then write down how that thought makes you feel. Then what you do when you feel that way. And finally, the result that creates in your life.
Don't judge what comes up. The goal is just to see what's happening clearly. Once you can see it, you can start to change it.
Hi, I'm Kellie
I'm a stepmum of two, high conflict survivor and a certified coach. I help stepmums handle the sh*t that comes with the ex, with no-BS strategies that actually work (I know because I use them myself).