When You Have to See The Ex - How to Handle It & Move On

You know that feeling when you're going somewhere you know the ex is going to be, like a school concert, or a birthday, or a handover. And you’re already dreading it.

You wonder if she’s going to come over. Will she start an uncomfortable conversation? Accuse you of something? Or will she ignore you. Or act friendly, then twist things later. 

So then you decide maybe it’s easier not to go at all. So you don’t have to deal with it. 

Or maybe you try to tell yourself that it’ll be fine, that you’re being ridiculous. But that doesn’t stop the dread at the thought of seeing her. 

In this episode, I'll show you how to handle this on your own terms. Because you don't need to know what she's going to do, you just need to know what you're going to do.

KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR STEPMUMS

• You don’t have to attend every game, concert, birthday or school event to prove that you care about the child. The question isn't "what choice proves I'm a good stepmum" – it's "what do I genuinely want to do here, knowing what the situation is likely to be."

• Dreading something because she will be there is not you overthinking it or being petty – it's a normal response to someone who's caused conflict before. Expect those feelings, know that they're normal, and know it doesn't mean anything has gone wrong.

• The best approach is 'contained presence' – decide your purpose, contain the conditions where you can, and limit and end the contact.

• If the conversation goes somewhere you don't want it to, you need a simple ending, like "I need to go" – then move away.

• Give yourself time to come down. You don't have to pretend it didn't affect you, but you also don't need to spend the next two days investigating every look and awkward moment.

• If you find yourself really triggered and spiralling, get the 30 Minute Reset – a simple reset plan you can follow the moment you’ve been triggered to bring you out of a spiral in under 30 minutes.

NEXT STEPS

👉 Get the 30 Minute Reset – a simple system to shut down the spiral so the ex doesn't hijack your whole day.