When She Turns the Kids Against You - What to Do When They Believe Her Lies
RELATIONSHIP & FAMILY
19 August 2025
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What do you do when your stepchild repeats something cruel about you – and you know it came straight from the ex?
This episode is your guide to one of the most painful things stepmum's face – when the high conflict ex plants toxic messages in the kids’ minds and tries to turn them against you.
I’ll walk you through exactly how to respond without throwing the kids in the middle or fuelling more conflict. You’ll learn how to support them through the confusion and protect your relationship with them.
Most importantly, I'll show you how to help your stepkids trust their own experience over her manipulation – and how to turn these heartbreaking moments into opportunities to teach them something she never could.
If you’ve ever felt gutted by words like “You’re not my real mum”, this is your lifeline.
Key Takeaways
Maybe it's "dad doesn't really care about us anymore" or "you're not my real family" coming out of their mouth in her exact tone, and you're faced with a difficult choice – defend yourself, correct it, or pretend you didn't hear it.
One of the deepest fears stepmums carry is what if the kids believe her – what if all the love and effort you've put in disappears because of one lie.
Kids, especially younger ones, don't have the emotional tools to filter manipulation, when they hear something consistently, they often adopt it as truth, not because they've made a considered judgement about you.
Snapping back with "that's not true," speaking negatively about their mother, or interrogating them about what she said, all puts the child in the middle.
The best way to deal with this is to validate that you heard them, correct or redirect gently depending on their age, and reassure them they're always safe to talk to you.
Every calm, non-reactive response you give is teaching the child emotional regulation that a high conflict parent typically can't model.
Next Steps
If you've ever felt like nobody actually gets what this is like:
→ I do. Join my list. My emails are where I share things I don't share anywhere else (because I don’t just teach this stuff, I actually live it).
Hi, I'm Kellie
I'm a stepmum of two, high conflict survivor and a certified coach. I help stepmums handle the sh*t that comes with the ex, with no-BS strategies that actually work (I know because I use them myself).