What to Do When the High Conflict Ex Won't Be Reasonable
DEALING WITH THE EX
29 July 2025
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Stuck on the emotional rollercoaster of hoping that the high conflict ex will finally be reasonable?
You’ve tried being calm. You’ve tried not reacting. You’ve tried being the bigger person. But she just keeps being unreasonable and difficult. Every time you think maybe this time will be different, she proves you wrong, and you’re left feeling drained and discouraged.
Today, I talk about why she keeps acting the way she does, why your expectations (however fair) keep getting crushed, and most importantly, what to do about it.
If you’ve tried everything and nothing changes, this episode will get you unstuck.
Key Takeaways
You keep hoping one day she'll stop the drama, maybe act civil, and if she does for once, you think "maybe she's changed", only for her to be back to it the next minute.
When you keep hoping she'll change, what you're really doing is waiting for her to act differently so you can feel better, and that keeps you stuck.
The longer you wait for her to be reasonable, the more anxious, frustrated, and resentful you become.
Acceptance doesn't mean condoning her behaviour, it means clearly seeing reality as it is, so you can stop trying to say or do the right thing to calm her down.
Shift your focus from what she should do to what you can control – your boundaries, your responses. Pick one small action and start there.
Next Steps
If you’re avoiding boundaries because you’re scared of how she’ll react:
→ The FREE Escalation-Proof Boundary Planner helps you set a boundary today and know exactly what to do when she pushes back.
Hi, I'm Kellie
I'm a stepmum of two, high conflict survivor and a certified coach. I help stepmums handle the sh*t that comes with the ex, with no-BS strategies that actually work (I know because I use them myself).