When Your Stepchild Suddenly Goes Cold Towards You

What do you do when your stepchild comes back from their mother's and is suddenly cold towards you?

She was fine when she left. Now she's barely speaking to you. She doesn’t want a hug. She seems irritated by you just being there.

And now you're thinking, “Is her mother turning her against me?”

It’s the hurt of being rejected. The fear that her mother is brainwashing her. The fear that your partner can’t or won’t do anything about it.

And often, the things we do to try to fix it can actually make the situation worse.

Today I’m talking about what could be going on when your stepchild comes home like a different child, and what actually helps.

KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR STEPMUMS

• When a stepchild goes cold, our fear or hurt about what that change means often starts to change the way that we behave in the relationship as well.

• The three most common reactions stepmum's have are; walking on eggshells, withdrawing, or trying harder.

• If you need her to hug you, talk to you, include you, or choose you before you can feel okay, you're giving her a pretty big job, on top of whatever she's already carrying.

• Instead of reacting, ask yourself "what is actually going to help this child right now?" This question will help you to respond instead of react.

• A separate issue is what might be causing her behaviour. Look at the timing, what else was happening at that time, and what the child is saying and doing for clues as to what might be going on.

  
  

LINKS+RESOURCES

For help stepping back, see my 3-part podcast series How to Finally Disengage (Part 1/3)

NEXT STEPS

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