How to Communicate With a High Conflict Ex (Without Making Things Worse)
DEALING WITH THE EX
24 June 2025
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You know that feeling when her message comes through. You immediately feel sick.
You reread the message over and over, trying to work out what to say, what not to say, how to respond without making things worse. But somehow, it always escalates anyway.
Well, there’s a reason for that. And it’s not you. High conflict people don’t send messages to resolve anything. They send them to create conflict.
Today, I’ll show you how to respond to her toxic messages without feeding her drama or getting emotionally hooked.
This is for you if you’re tired of overthinking every word, trying to defend yourself, or feeling drained after every encounter with the high conflict ex.
Key Takeaways
One message from her and suddenly your heart races and you get shaky. That's not a weakness, it's your nervous system doing what it's designed to do – protect you.
The rule is, don't text when you're triggered – because when you're triggered, your rational brain goes offline. You need to centre yourself first.
Next, strip the message down and get rid of everything that isn't a factual or logistical issue. Often when you do that, there's nothing left worth responding to.
Then ask, does this actually require a response? Not every message deserves your time.
If you do answer, keep it brief and neutral, giving her nothing to grab onto.
Once you've replied, or decided not to, release it. It doesn't deserve any more of your time or energy.
Next Steps
If you want a better way to handle her messages:
→ This free guide shows you how to respond – without making things worse.
Hi, I'm Kellie
I'm a stepmum of two, high conflict survivor and a certified coach. I help stepmums handle the sh*t that comes with the ex, with no-BS strategies that actually work (I know because I use them myself).