Meeting the High Conflict Ex? Don't Make These Mistakes

You've decided to meet with the high conflict ex.

That means you’ll be sitting across from someone you don't trust, in a conversation where you have no control over what she says or does.

It can be enough to send you into a spiral.

If this was a meeting with a perfectly reasonable person, then you wouldn't need any preparation. You'd turn up, have a conversation, and leave.

But when you're dealing with someone with a history of conflict and hostility, it's different. You can't assume the conversation will stay on topic, remain respectful, or end when it's supposed to.

This episode is your preparation – so you can walk in steady, stay in control, and leave on your terms.

KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR STEPMUMS

• Common mistakes stepmum's make include: hoping the meeting will result in a better relationship, assuming that because the meeting starts off pleasantly, it's safe to let their guard down, oversharing, being caught off guard by questions they weren't expecting, and staying longer than they should.

• Have realistic expectations – these meetings rarely result in any change to the relationship, the situation, or her behaviour. If she's been high conflict before, the meeting is not going to change that. The best outcome you can realistically aim for is short and uneventful.

• Set the conditions beforehand: a public place, a time limit, and an exit plan you've already arranged.

• Decide what information you're willing to share before you go so you're not caught off guard when she asks something you're not comfortable with.

• If she escalates or becomes emotional during the meeting, this is to be expected. You can acknowledge her feelings without accepting her version of events.

• Expect some kind of reaction after the meeting – if it comes, it doesn't mean you did something wrong.

NEXT STEPS

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