How to Win in Family Court Against a High Conflict Ex
LEGAL
10 March 2026
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You've watched it happen. She walks into a custody battle confident, emotional, compelling – and somehow, she's believable, even when pretty much everything she says is false.
Meanwhile, your partner walks in with the truth. And the truth should be enough, right?
It's not. Not when you're up against a high conflict ex.
And here's why. High conflict people are skilled at presenting their case. They know exactly the impression they want to leave. And unless your partner knows how to do the same thing, the ex is going to keep winning.
And in order to get the outcome you want, you need a strategy. Today, I'm going to show you what that is.
Key Takeaways
Assuming the truth will simply speak for itself isn't a good strategy against a high conflict ex – she's had years of practice telling her story with total conviction.
The document filed before a hearing is often the first thing a judge sees, so start by clearly stating the order you're asking for upfront.
Organise the case around the strongest themes and focus on documented behaviour, not labels – judges can't evaluate a diagnosis, but they can evaluate a pattern.
Every claim needs specific examples and evidence attached, because claims without evidence are just claims, and the other side is already making plenty of those.
When responding to false claims, show the context – this turns a "he said, she said" into evidence of a pattern.
The closing should connect the evidence already shown directly to the outcome requested, giving the judge a clear thread to follow.
Next Steps
This episode draws on material from the High Conflict Institute training "Writing for Court – 10 Tips for Persuading Decision Makers".
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Hi, I'm Kellie
I'm a stepmum of two, high conflict survivor and a certified coach. I help stepmums handle the sh*t that comes with the ex, with no-BS strategies that actually work (I know because I use them myself).