How to Finally Make Sense of the High Conflict Ex

Have you ever looked at something the ex has done and thought...

What the ‘f**k’ is she doing??

She makes decisions without your partner, and then complains that he's uninvolved. She bangs on about how much the kids don’t like you, when they seem perfectly fine with you.

It makes no sense.

But today I want to show you that a lot of what she does actually starts to make sense – if you know the story she's telling herself.

The story about who she is, who you are, who your partner is, how she’s been wronged…

Because this story connects together everything she does. And if you understand what it is, it can make dealing with her a lot less confusing and less frustrating.

I'm going to show you how to find that story.

KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR STEPMUMS

• High conflict people are rigid in their thinking. They often have a whole overarching story about what’s happened to them and the role everybody else plays in it. Usually they are the victim at the centre.

• The behaviour of the high conflict ex is driven by this story she's created. It looks like her behaviour makes no sense - but when you understand her story, you understand her behaviour.

• High conflict people don't check their story against new information, they just believe it and act upon it as though it’s true, even where there’s evidence to the contrary.

• She will interpret everything that happens to fit that story. And if something threatens it she will most likely defend against it - aggressively.

• You can work out her story by going back over the incidents that made the least sense, and asking what role she's giving everyone in them.

• Once you can see the story, you stop needing to make sense of every single incident on its own – you just recognise it as the same pattern playing out again. This can make dealing with her a lot less confusing and less frustrating.

NEXT STEPS

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