When the Ex Withholds Information About the Kids
DEALING WITH THE EX
20 January 2026
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She didn't tell him about the doctor's appointment. Again.
Or the school event. Or the medication change. Or the parent-teacher conference.
And now your partner's calling the school, the pharmacy, trying to piece together what's happening with his own child. You've watched this happen so many times.
And here's what makes it so frustrating – he keeps trying to get her to communicate like a reasonable person. But it never works. Because when you're dealing with a high conflict ex, this isn't about poor communication. It's about control.
Today I'll show you what's really happening when she withholds information, and what you and your partner can do about it.
Key Takeaways
She's not forgetting to tell him, she's choosing not to. Because if she controls the information, she controls the story.
There are six common tactics high conflict people use to withhold information, including saying nothing at all, sharing information at the last minute so he can't reasonably respond, giving vague details, or telling everyone but him.
Chasing her for information rewards her behaviour and confirms she controls the timeline. A better strategy is to ask once, factually, in writing, then stop.
After this, shift from requesting to recording, e.g. "If no details are provided, I'll follow the existing schedule." Now his actions no longer depend on her cooperation, removing her leverage.
Then, create a direct line of communication with teachers, school portals, medical practices etc. to get information directly from those involved – rather than relying on her to pass it on.
Mentioned:
→ Episode 23: How to How to Support Your Partner Through Toxic Co-parenting Without Burning Out
Next Steps
If you've ever felt like nobody actually gets what this is like:
→ I do. Join my list. My emails are where I share things I don't share anywhere else (because I don’t just teach this stuff, I actually live it).
Hi, I'm Kellie
I'm a stepmum of two, high conflict survivor and a certified coach. I help stepmums handle the sh*t that comes with the ex, with no-BS strategies that actually work (I know because I use them myself).