Should You Respond or Ignore Her? Your High Conflict Communication Questions Answered
DEALING WITH THE EX
2 April 2026
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You already know you shouldn't react to her. But understanding that and actually doing it in the moment are two very different things.
In this Q&A episode, I'm answering real communication questions from stepmums dealing with a high conflict ex:
She sent accusations I had nothing to do with. I didn't respond – did I do the right thing?
If I don't defend myself, won't she just think she's right?
Every time I ignore her, she gets worse. What am I doing wrong?
She keeps threatening to take it to her lawyer. Do I have to respond?
How do I actually stay calm when she sends something awful?
After I respond, I can't stop going over it in my head. How do I let it go?
I've changed how I respond but my partner still reacts to everything. How do I get him on board?
These are the exact situations stepmums deal with every day – and what to actually do in each one.
Key Takeaways
High conflict people don't really send messages to resolve anything. They send them to get a reaction.
She's already decided she's right, and no explanation will change that. Not responding doesn't mean she's right, it means she doesn't have control over you.
When ignoring her seems to make things worse, that's usually her trying harder to get the old reaction back, not proof that ignoring isn't working.
With threats and accusations, the response to aim for is calm, factual, and brief. If it's a threat to safety, report it to police and don't engage further directly.
The rule is – don't text when triggered. Put the phone down, slow your breathing, and come back once you're regulated.
You don't need your partner to be all-in for things to change – staying steady yourself and leading by example is often the most useful thing you can do.
Next Steps
If you want a better way to handle her messages:
→ This free guide shows you how to respond – without making things worse.
Hi, I'm Kellie
I'm a stepmum of two, high conflict survivor and a certified coach. I help stepmums handle the sh*t that comes with the ex, with no-BS strategies that actually work (I know because I use them myself).