Is The Ex a Narcissist… or Something Else? How to Know What You’re Really Dealing With
HIGH CONFLICT EXPLAINED
30 September 2025
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Ever feel like you're losing your mind trying to understand why she acts the way she does?
In this episode, I cover five personality patterns commonly found in high conflict people. These patterns help explain behaviours that might have been driving you crazy for years.
I'll walk you through the narcissistic pattern (the "I'm superior, you're nothing" type), the borderline pattern (the "love you, hate you" type), the antisocial pattern (the cruel con artist), the paranoid pattern (the highly suspicious type), and the histrionic pattern (the dramatic, accusatory type).
You'll learn the behaviours to look for, what drives them, and how they show up.
This isn't about diagnosing or labelling the ex. It's about finally understand what you're dealing with so you can stop taking it personally and respond more strategically.
Key Takeaways
Narcissistic personalities are driven by a desperate need to be seen as superior. They often treat the children as extensions of themselves, so her decisions are based on what makes her look like the better parent, not on what actually helps the kids.
Borderline personalities live in constant terror of abandonment. With a borderline ex you might see intense, rapid mood swings, she can be warm one day and raging the next, and in the moment, whatever she's feeling becomes what she believes actually happened.
Antisocial personalities are driven by a desire to dominate, control, and win at any cost. They are often charming and persuasive on the surface, with a pattern of lying, even about things that don't matter, and showing no shame when caught.
Paranoid personalities display a persistent pattern of suspicion and distrust that shows up in nearly all their interactions, even neutral or kind actions get read as deceptive.
Histrionic personalities have an intense, overwhelming fear of being ignored or overlooked, which shows up as dramatic, attention-seeking behaviour that shifts quickly from one emotional state to the next.
Mentioned: High Conflict Institute
Next Steps
Not sure if she's truly high conflict or just difficult?
→ Knowing makes all the difference. Take the quiz – you’ll know in 2 minutes (no email required).
Hi, I'm Kellie
I'm a stepmum of two, high conflict survivor and a certified coach. I help stepmums handle the sh*t that comes with the ex, with no-BS strategies that actually work (I know because I use them myself).